The Lies We Live By

It’s such a powerful question. We all wear these labels: wife, mother, husband, father, hard worker, denomination, political party… but if we strip all those away, I’m still me. If I lose my limbs, if I get an organ transplant,  if I lose my role, my spouse, and kids, I’m still me. So, who is that? I must be in here somewhere.

All of us have received messages throughout our lives about who we are. Some came from our childhoods, some from relationships, and others from accomplishments, failures, or traumatic experiences. Over time, these messages can become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as messages and simply accept them as truth. We believe that we are not good enough, valuable enough, smart enough, or capable of changing. Then, as you might expect, we live according to that identity.

Right now, our staff and the women in our residential home are studying Victory Over the Darkness, a book about understanding who we really are in Christ. We have been discussing the messages we have received throughout our lives and the thought patterns those messages created. Our staff is studying this alongside the residents because this is not something that applies only to survivors. Every one of us has beliefs about ourselves that have been shaped by our experiences, and some of those beliefs simply are not true.

For a woman who has experienced exploitation, these messages can be especially painful and deeply rooted. She may have been treated as though her body was the only thing of value she had to offer. She may have been told that she was unwanted, incapable, or never going to have a different life. Even after she reaches a safe place, those messages do not automatically disappear. She can be physically free and still be trapped in her own thinking. She can be surrounded by people who see great potential in her and still be convinced that she will fail.

We cannot consistently live from an identity we do not believe. This is one of the reasons identity is so critical to recovery. A woman may have opportunities in front of her, but if she believes she is incapable, she may give up when it gets hard, believing failure is inevitable. She may be offered healthy relationships, but if she believes she is unworthy of love, she may not be able to receive them. Building a different life requires more than changing her circumstances. It also requires recognizing the lies that have shaped her and learning what is actually true.

Thankfully, the messages spoken over us do not have the final authority to define us. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and Scripture tells us who we truly are in Him.  In Christ, we are accepted, secure, and significant. Scripture tells us that we are God’s children, chosen and adopted into His family. We have been redeemed and forgiven, and we belong to Him. We are free from condemnation and cannot be separated from the love of God. We are God’s workmanship, created with dignity, purpose, and meaningful work to do.

These truths directly challenge the messages created by abuse and exploitation. When the lie says, “I am unwanted,” God says that we are chosen and adopted. When the lie says, “I am permanently damaged,” God says that we are redeemed and forgiven. When the lie says, “I am alone,” God says that nothing can separate us from His love. When the lie says, “My body is all I have to offer,” God says that we are His workmanship, created with value and purpose. When the lie says, “My past has already determined my future,” God says that He has begun a good work in us and will continue it.

Learning these truths does not erase the effects of trauma. Healing takes time and includes safety, counseling, healthy relationships, discipleship, and many opportunities to experience something different from what a woman has previously known. However, as she begins to recognize the old messages and believe what God says about her, her understanding of what is possible can begin to change.

So, who am I? A child of God.

As our staff and residents continue studying these truths, please pray that God will help us recognize the messages we have accepted that are not true. Pray that the women in our home will not only hear what God says about them but will begin to believe it deeply. Pray that their lives will increasingly reflect the truth that they are accepted, secure, and significant in Christ.

Perhaps this is also an opportunity for each of us to consider what messages we have allowed to define us and to ask whether it aligns with The Truth.